College Student Dies Stuck in Traffic From Dopamine Withdrawal

By S. Mazotes, Published October 31st, 2024

A college student passed away this Monday morning from, a first-of-its-kind, dopamine withdrawal. Mark Potok, 20, was a student studying Gay Pride and Communism at the Goethe University Frankfurt, and found himself stuck in Monday morning traffic on the Long Island Expressway.

Mark Potok’s Monday morning school commute is normally three minutes, but this Monday, it manifested as a twelve minute bumper-to-bumper nightmare for the soon-to-be dopamine starved student. Experts theorize that Potok had forgotten to charge his phone fully overnight, thus forcing him to survive the extended commute with a phone that only had a (estimated) thirteen percent charge, his vape, and a faulty portable battery charger. Experts estimate that the phone died early on in the trip as Mr. Potok had it in split screen mode running Youtube Shorts, and Instagram Reels at max brightness. He then likely attempted to charge it with the non-functional portable battery charger, at which point he took his last breathes on his vape pen. It was not enough to keep his brain occupied, and he died shortly after.

Mark Potok’s car blocked office workers from getting to their important office jobs until a tow truck arrived sixty-two minutes after the time of his death, taking his car to a lot where a medical team begrudgingly showed up an hour and a half later. They attempted to resuscitate him with a corn syrup transfusion, and galaxy gas nasal insufflations to no avail. Thankfully for the owners of the privately-owned ambulance, and the tow truck company, they were able to find emergency contact information on his person so they knew where to send the medical (and tow) bill.

Mark Potok’s obituary can be found here. His parents ask to please share a Youtube short, an Instagram Reel, a TikTok, maybe some subway surfers gameplay footage, or soap carving videos “to keep his memory alive”.